until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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