I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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