she was so not down for the gang bang
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
