Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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