Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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