I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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