He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
