I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
