You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
