No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
