I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
