So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
soo... how was my night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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