I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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