We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He felt like a one man threesome
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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