theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
