You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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