So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
