Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
