Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
