so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
