he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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