My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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