you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
