I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
