So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
