You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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