Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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