I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
