I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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