I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
