i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
