They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
