Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need moral support for this bender
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
