If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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