Sry I called you an 8
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
