..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
