Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
