i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
