Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.