sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk