Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.