My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.