Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!

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  (405): You can't have hate sex in a hallway!! http://tfl.nu/3bhn
  Replies (22) Good night (4071) Bad night (695)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce

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  (330): no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce http://tfl.nu/rmcp
  Replies (22) Good night (943) Bad night (3171)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.

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  (210): I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day. http://tfl.nu/nvhr
  Replies (53) Good night (3705) Bad night (1114)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.

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  (985): I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call. http://tfl.nu/xapr
  Replies (15) Good night (4741) Bad night (737)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.

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  (201): I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork. http://tfl.nu/8epk
  Replies (16) Good night (1238) Bad night (5316)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.

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  (321): I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day. http://tfl.nu/k9f2
  Replies (17) Good night (5590) Bad night (975)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.

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  (617): We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well. http://tfl.nu/7kjf
  Replies (14) Good night (6324) Bad night (1046)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.

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  (520): Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day. http://tfl.nu/urgx
  Replies (6) Good night (4940) Bad night (1035)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool

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  (817): Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool http://tfl.nu/oo5b
  Replies (5) Good night (1096) Bad night (2634)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?

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  (502): I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that? http://tfl.nu/7r6j
  Replies (14) Good night (1378) Bad night (1797)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.

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  (507): So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver. http://tfl.nu/b2sj
  Replies (3) Good night (1371) Bad night (750)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......

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  (901): Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this...... http://tfl.nu/c0ql
  Replies (6) Good night (566) Bad night (1407)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm

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  (416): also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm http://tfl.nu/isvl
  Replies (13) Good night (602) Bad night (1851)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants

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  (418): He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants http://tfl.nu/52t6
  Replies (0) Good night (590) Bad night (271)
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  (530): View more from California

  I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage

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  (530): I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage http://tfl.nu/j6kt
  Replies (0) Good night (344) Bad night (144)

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