Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.

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(386): View more from Florida

after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

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(818): View more from California

And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(401): View more from Rhode Island

i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest

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(661): View more from California

new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.

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(214): View more from Texas

My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

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(419): View more from Ohio

She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.

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