I chose taco bell over sex...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...