At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas