you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
