Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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