You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
