I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
