The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
