don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
