god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize