i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
