i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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