paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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