there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
