I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
