and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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