kristin has been a bad kristin
i think my mom watched the whole time
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
