I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
