Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
