these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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