Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
