My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I want her autograph on my taint
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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