i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
