Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
