i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
