i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize