Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
