so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
