What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
