i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
