so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sorry about my life...
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Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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