Just cropdusted the office
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
