the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
