I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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