he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
