so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
