So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
