please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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